I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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