So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
tonight lets celebrate not being married
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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