Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
