Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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