so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think my nap took me to another dimension
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
