he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
