You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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