i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
