Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
