Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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