I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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