I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
