We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
