It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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