im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
