she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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