I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
