lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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