she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
