I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
