Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
