you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
