When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
