i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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