he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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