so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
