i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Randomize
