I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
