So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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