I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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