My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
