I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
