Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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