I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
