tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
