He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
