I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
