ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
