It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
