I'm gonna have a badass scar
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
