My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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