literally had 100 drinks last night.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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