I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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