i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
