You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
