Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
