you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
