Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
