I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
