Got a toothbrush?
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
