He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
