So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
